Commandments 21-30
We all have urges. Try to keep it to the back lounge. Or find a willing receptacle.
32. BEING IN A GROUP OF MEN IN CLOSE PROXIMITY PROMOTES HOMOEROTIC HUMOUR
This is an interesting one. I tended to assume this was just to do with the type of men I hang out with, but this Commandment was one that Marco pointed out shortly after he arrived, confirming that it is more widespread than I thought.
It may surprise you to learn that none of us are gay. Of course, none of us are screamingly homophobic either, and under normal circumstances we do not find it necessary to do gay voices or make gags about fisting each other.
But there's something about the intimacy of sharing the tiny bus and spending every day together that provokes childish quasi-gay remarks. Perhaps it is a strategy to earth any embarrassment we may feel about being physically close all the time, or maybe it's a very coy way of expressing that we're fond of each other.
It's intriguing, because no matter how sophisticated and open-minded we might be, there's an element of unreconstructed male confusion that can apparently not be avoided. I imagine this is rampant among groups of straight men (football teams, submarine crews), and I suspect the only way it could be discouraged is if there was someone around who was actually gay. At the very least it would be more factual.
33. YOU WILL OCCASIONALLY BE SICK
34. YOU WILL OCCASIONALLY BE SICK IN A TAXI
35. CARY BROTHERS IS *INTENTIONALLY DELETED*
36. A PREOCCUPATION WITH SHITTING (SEE 1)
See also 50, 60. It seems like the fewer opportunities you have to shit, the more you have to think about it. Plus, even after all these years, poo poo is still funny.
It is not uncommon to walk onto the bus and find everyone sitting with their laptops out. Laptops are extremely popular among Tourists, especially with the growth of wireless internet access, which attracts the largest amount of screen-flipping. The only sound you hear is muttered comments about signal and the marching of fingers on keyboards.
The laptop becomes a small portal to the rest of the world and allows you to escape momentarily from the restricted world of the bus and the venue and the cunts you have to spend your life with.
I wish I had one.
The mp3 revolution has changed touring life. Our current bus has no CD player - you have to use the inconvenient Playstation. Everyone has their entire music collection on shuffle and everybody's bags are much lighter because there are no CDs in them. The consumption of music is completely different. These are interesting times [see 7]
39. STARBUCKS MEANS NEW LIFE (SEE 1,36,37)
You inexorably become attached to familiar things in unfamiliar places.
The proliferation of Starbucks, which in real life is a dubious enterprise, becomes something of Pavlovian joy as it fulfills all your first-thing-when-you-wake-up requirements: plumbing, beverage, pastry, internet.
This is not an advert for Starbucks. I should really go somewhere else. It's just there's always one within waddling distance of the bus...
40. TAKE CARE WHEN OPENING THE OVERHEAD BINS AS CONTENTS MAY HAVE SHIFTED DURING THE FLIGHT
