London-Newark, 22 January 2005
I like computer games. My preferred genre is the one where you're just a hand with a big gun in it, and you have to wander around mysterious (usually dystopian and/or post-apocalyptic) locations finding buttons to press and people/monsters to shoot. An abandoned airport populated by shuffling zombies would be an extremely suitable scenario for a game - you have the endless corridors, the striplights, the familiar surroundings made strange by disaster. If you really made up your mind, you could probably find a vent to crawl through. (Look out for the giant choppy-uppy fans though). Sadly, I suspect that "Snowbound 3: Trapped in Newark" would not be too thrilling.
You play as Ben 'Jack' Hales, a retired Special Ops Commando who is making ends meet playing guitar for pampered rock star Aqualor (to play as Aqualor, press V). Accompanied by manager Phil Nelson (special moves telephony, drink procurement) and TM Roberto Pieroni (TM) (explosives. This guy can get you through the toughest walls and doors - select him using the targeting reticle and press your secondary fire button), they're taking a routine connecting flight from New York to Chicago when something goes wrong... very wrong. With snow blocking all routes in and out of the airport it's an exciting race against time, hunger and boredom for the boys in Lung Squad in 20 hours of intense one-player action featuring some of the least advanced AI ever seen in airport ground staff...
Level 1: Immigration. Find a way past the border guards (you may have to procure a disguise and some papers). Next you must fight your way to Customs to receive a stamp to allow you to use your guitars (note: your equipment is mission critical and must be protected at all costs. For your safety, unattended baggage will be removed without warning and may be destroyed). After customs there is a portal which will take you through to the next level.
Level 2: Arrivals. Phil Nelson is missing! First find him and then use your interrogation and queuing powers to discover if there's a way to get to Chicago tonight. Remember! Not everyone you meet will tell you the truth! (You can replenish your life force by visiting one of the coffee stands - but how long will they stay open???)
Level 3: Terminal Velocity. Here's the skinny: there's no way in hell you're leaving this airport tonight. With the shops closing down your only hope is to find a way out of Terminal C. Using the arrow buttons, negotiate the snowdrifts with your trolleyfull of guitars and bags. Look out for the snowploughs! You must reach Terminal B before the temperature indicator reaches zero or you will lose a life.
Level 4: Tried at the Food Court. Restore any damage you took in level three by visiting the restaurants in Terminal B. Bonus points are available for finding the bar.
Level 5: Sleeping on the floor. Using the arrow buttons, try to find a way to get comfortable on those departure lounge seats. Sawing off the armrests is not allowed! Points are deducted for looking at your watch every five minutes. [Tactical note: You can try sleeping on a carpeted area but beware: you might be able to stretch out, but will this compensate for the low temperature and the incredible snoring sound??]. To add a little spice the same announcement about hand luggage will be played EVERY FIVE MINUTES. Bonuses are awarded for every hour completed without crying.
Level 6: The Escape. Minigame: Can you wake up Roberto? Using words, physical violence, psychological torture or a combination of all three, can you overcome your envy and wake up Roberto before he is run over by a trolley OR soils himself?
Now you must find your way to Terminal A. Will you wait an eternity for a shuttle bus or once again risk the elements and skate your trolley across the frozen wastes?
If you make it to Terminal A alive you will be rewarded with a flight to Chicago and a few merciful hours of sleep. But the game's not over yet! You've still got a gig to do, and where is all that equipment they said had been delivered to the hotel?...
