Travel Day
Austin, Texas - London, England
Happy birthday to my mum. Yes, on tour again.
I'm 33,000 feet up in the air where I have no business being. The inflight entertainment must be good because random people keep laughing.
I've spotted a few items in SkyMall magazine that you might be interested in:
Pop-up Hot Dog Cooker ($49.95)
It's like a toaster that does buns, but also provides a vaginal aperture in which you can warm hot dogs
Rotating Flag Bracket Set ($49.99)
"Fly our flag proudly! It'll stay tangle-free in this rotating bracket!"
Saxxy (TM) Synthesizer Kazoo for Saxophone-Tuba-Clarinet ($29.95)
"If you can hum, you can play the sax, tuba or clarinet - with Saxxy the synthesizer kazoo!"
Life-size WWI Propeller ($139.95)
Elegant Rosewood Harps To Play or Display (from $179.95)
Wow, Monster Basketball! ($499.00) see below
There are a lot of adverts for plastic surgery in American in-flight magazines. Which reminds me - we watched an outrageous TV show the other night called 'Extreme Makeovers!', which is like one of those makeover shows where people get new outfits and haircuts, but with the twist that the lucky participants get loads of surgery! "Are these really my teeth?!!" they go; "I'm so delighted with my new nose!"; "I can't believe the pounds that frontal lobotomy took off!!!"; "Now I look like a game show host!!! My husband/wife/boss will sleep with me again!!!".
Ah... taking the piss out of Americans. It's so cheap and easy. And convenient. I should be above it. I guess it's Little Brother Syndrome. Here's an excerpt from a conversation I overheard while weeing in a urinal full of ice at the Iron Cactus:
Man A The food there is awful, man
Man B Yeah?
Man A They have good Indian food, but that's it
Man B I heard they have boiled pizza there
Man A Boiled pizza? How does that work?
Man B How did that tiny little country rule the world for like, five centuries?
Man A Naval power, man
Man B Well, they're a bunch of limey cocksuckers if you ask me
This morning I saw the back of Willy Nelson's head. That's not something you see every day.
